STOP trying to lose weight.

I promise I am not a part of the junk food industrial complex trying to convince you to eat the entire bag of kurkure and drown it in a liter of 7up. I am here to tell you how to reach your health goals without being miserable and how to find results that will last you a lifetime.

Let’s get this one out of the way off the bat. I advise being seated for this. Losing weight cannot be your end-all be-all goal. In fact, in my (very controversial) opinion, it shouldn’t be a goal at all. Your goal should be to get healthier. Write this down if you need to because it is important. I’m sure a lot of you are confused and/or angry. Don’t worry it will all be crystal clear quite soon. Ok, that was intense. This furry little guy was pretty schocked too when I told him.

Most people set out to lose weight with the right intentions. They truly believe that it’ll be good for them. Not debating that. What I am trying to say is that there is more in the picture to see than just weight loss. Why are you losing weight? To improve your health right? Then just DO THAT! Sorry not trying to be harsh. If you focus solely on the losing weight part of things then you risk:

1. resorting to unhealthy behaviors to “reach your goal weight”(which may not be realistic for your body)
2. being miserable because you don’t see a particular number on the scale and are not loosing weight at a rate that you want/expect and then end up stress eating/starving yourself
3. creating extreme calorie deficits through excessive exercise and/or food restriction to lose weight faster and damaging your metabolism.

We don’t want any of this now do we? Allow me enlighten you with a wildly better approach.

Firstly, set a real goal with a realistic timeline.

1. I would like to feel less tired and have more energy during the day.
2. I would like to stop/reduce use of medication for chronic conditions.
3. I would like to be able to chase my dog around the park.
4. I would like to lift my own luggage and/or kid.

These goals translate to tangible improvements in your life and not a purely physical goal of taking up less space. This type of goal that is not linked to aesthetics, fear or shame is something that you are more likely to stick to and be reasonable about achieving. You will also improve your body image, self confidence, general physical ability and overall mental health in the process. SIGN ME UP!

Why do the usual goal of lose 5kg in 10 weeks fail miserably?

1. They try to blame you and/or shame you for looking or being a certain way. Be happy once you lose weight. Then you can wear whatever you want.
2. They focus on the desires and opinions of people other than you. You have to look good for the people looking at you. You are being bullied/judged because you look like this.
3. They don’t focus on improving your body image and more on changing yourself to meet the unrealistic or even unhealthy version of yourself in your head. You could look like an airbrushed model but your brain can still convince you that you are ugly if you have a negative body image.
4. They give you unrealistic expectations of what is possible. They don’t take into considerations the many nuances of physics, chemistry, biology, life and society.

So we got the goals part covered. What is an example of a realistic timeline?

The harsh and unfortunate truth is that we cannot EVER estimate a definite timeline at the end of which you would have achieved your goal. There are a myriad of variables that we can’t possibly control like:

1. stress and sleep
2. sickness
3. work load
4. travel
5. family emergencies
6. mental health issues
7. injuries and accidents
8. biology and genes

and so so many more.

It's not fair and no one wants to hear this but it is something you have to accept if you want to succeed in becoming healthier. The only realistic timeline is — how long ever it takes. The fact is you will have many many challenges as you go along. Your routine could get affected for any reason and the biggest deterrent to success is inconsistency. The only thing we can do for certain is not give up. As long as we focus on making small sustainable changes and stacking up good habits we will get to our goal. Here’s what we do to deal with this without going insane.

1. Don’t set one harsh deadline to get something done. Your first goal should always be CONSISTENCY and set the barrier to entry very low. I will walk for 10 minutes twice this week. Once you achieve a small amount of consistency(I’d give it a month at least) you can add another habit or up the ante on this. Move from 10 minutes twice to 10 minutes thrice. Even if if it a teeny weeny change just do it. Do only as much as you can but do it consistently. Don’t give up or avoid even starting because you can’t exercise 5 days a week and cook macro calculated meals.
2. At all times keep your mental and physical health as your top priority. Everything you do should make you feel better. No pain no gain is a myth here. No starving yourself to get that 1000-calorie deficit or killing yourself in the gym until you’re hurting. Don’t push yourself to the edge just nudge yourself gently in the right direction.
3. Don’t allow your mind to play tricks on you using shame, blame, and all those other stupid brain things. If things go off the rails for a bit it’s ok. Just pick yourself up and continue on as if nothing happened. You will wake up not feeling like working out. You will gorge on biriyani one day. Be honest about what needs to change but forgive yourself for what happens when life gets difficult.
4. Be honest with yourself about how much you can realistically do for a long time. You are looking to create new habits that help improve your health. Poor health is caused by sustained bad habits or chronic conditions in your body. Both of these can be helped by creating a support system of habits that work for you. It’ll never be perfect and on and off you will take more than a few steps back or you’ll find that something is no longer working for you. The unfortunate thing is that this journey will never end. You are going to have to constantly adapt your habits or develop new ones to keep yourself healthy. This doesn’t mean you don’t try at all though. There is no epitome of health. There is only better than I was before.
5. Do some research and educate yourself on what is a realistic weight loss rate. Understand the difference between body re-composition, fat loss, and muscle building. Understand that your body is unique and what outcomes other people experience you will definitely not see. Extreme transformations are only clickbait and inspiring fiction but not sustainable. Take a scientific approach to things. If something isn’t going as you think it should take a step back and take your time to re-evaluate your habits and patiently recalibrate. Most importantly find out if it is scientifically possible for what you expect to happen.

In conclusion,

Becoming a healthier version of yourself is way way WAY more than just dropping some mass off your body. Think of it as reparenting yourself. You need to break old cycles and teach yourself better habits. You need to hold your inner child’s hand and show it that it’s ok to have some fat here and there and to not have 6 packs. You need to zoom out and really think about what in your life can be transformed to better suit your specific needs and desires.

Think hard and long and figure out what you can do well enough and for long enough for it to work. You don’t need to go from 0 to 100 in a week. In fact, you can decide to stay at just 1 for as long as you want even if it’s for years. It is much better to do a few things consistently than to try too much and fail at everything. When you’re looking for someone to support you in this journey — personal trainer, nutritionist/dietician or that gym bro/gal who drops their weights hard enough to cause an earthquake keep all this in mind. You deserve someone who will help you do only as much as you want to do not what they perceive is necessary. You need someone who will help you make slow incremental changes to your life and help you create permanent systems.

If you liked this post drop a comment below or reach out to me — pmedhavi88*gmail.com(don’t want anymore Nigerian princes contacting me)

Love,

Medha — Your honest stuffed toy hoarding personal trainer